The crowd cheers every time a pass is made. The anticipation for that next catch sends a silence over a crowd of thousands. Then right when you think, you have the touchdown of a lifetime in your hands, the ball passes through your fingers. The crowd once again silenced. You can feel their disappointment.
Anyone can tell you that I am football fan. I wish I could of played it, just the thought of tackling someone makes me giddy. But I look at football as a great tool for life lessons.
Thus the name Coach Honesty. I learned to coach others through the magnificent coaches I had in my life.
Life gives you a serious of passes. You decided which one to catch. Now I know that sounds really catchy with the title and all but in actuality this story is about a town that changed my life forever and its name is the pass, or rather in Spanish... El Paso.
My husband and I were both working in retail. It had managed to swallow us like it does so many others. We worked hard, made decent money and felt the world was at our fingertips. Looking back at that now, we were so young and naive.
The day we got back from our honeymoon we got a call. Actually a voicemail. It was my husbands dad. He had an opening in his company and thought my husband would be the perfect fit as the replacement. So while we are driving home fron our blissful, sun filled vacation we had alot to talk about. So for the three hours driving home we spoke about this. It was hard to think we wouldn't be living in our favorite little town anymore, we had a strong foundation with our friends and I had finally felt like my family and I were growing closer. By the time we parked into our driveway we had made our decision. Insert the NFL network here.
We had caught a major pass.
We told our friends, told my family and made a move that would change our lives forever. Now I am from a small town. I grew up with grass, cows and alot of small town mindsets. I had no idea what I was about to experience. Who would of thought this part of Texas would be so different, right?
My husband was the one who took convincing to go back to his hometown. I can understand. I don't think I could ever return back to my old stomping grounds. My husband was the high school jock, the captain of the football team (insert the Monday Night Football theme here) and he felt like going home was like waving a white flag. But I had ensured him that the opportunity that was presented to him was right up his alley. His dad had planned on stepping backas president, my husband had every opportunity to make this company grow and take it over for him. So the future looked so much brighter for us in el paso.
But we had no idea what god had planned for us while we were there.
We settled in nicely. Paid off our debt (or rather my school debt), had a nice little house and started off like any newlywed couple.
One day after we had been in town for about a year we were having dinner at Chili's. My husband stepped away to go the restroom. I realized it had taken him a little bit. When he came back he looked as if he had seen a ghost. He sat down and was very quiet. When I asked him what had happened, he said he had just seen his sister and brother. I stopped dead in my tracks. Let me tell you about this pass that is coming our way......My husband is the oldest of four children. The last time he had seen his baby sister he was eight years old. She was not even two yet. See, these are his half brother and sisters. Right before we had moved to el paso, we went out for a friends birthday. That night ended up in the emergency room. My husband hadn't spoken much of the life he had with his father. I just knew that he hadn't spoken to him in over 15 years and I knew practically nothing about his step siblings. My husband had a tough life with his father. That night for the first time, I saw how that missing element in his life haunted him. I guess I had never imagined how it must feel to know that your father missed everything in your life. He never called on his birthday, and this was what had set him off. He couldn't understand why his father didn't love him. What had he done? His dad married the woman that had ended his mother and fathers marriage. But my husband was so little that he didn't know any of this. He had a complicated relationship with his step mother. She had a lot of spite towards him. She was just hateful. She did things that I think she didn't think he would remember but he did. Now, I am a strong believer that many parents parent the only way they know how to, by the example they were taught. I use to have mixed feelings about her but I know she loved my husband. She was the one who usually picked him up and took care of him. So I have no ill will towards to her. He was never treated like a part of "their" family and more like a burden. Once they started having kids of their own it just got worse. But my husband loved those kids. He never wanted to be an only child. When my husband asked to be adopted by his "father" of course his dad wouldn't hear of it. I know his dad loved him but he just didn't know what to do. I will never judge him. God only knows what was going on with him and his family life at the time. I know he loved him though because if he didn't he woulnd of said ok to my husband that day. But instead he said you are my son. But my husband was hurt. So when he was 18 he was able to make that decision for himself and he did. By that time he hadn't seen his dad since he was 8 and then the one day at their "last supper" when he asked to be adopted. I can't imagine having that conversation.
So when we saw his siblings with his step mother that day I expected him to stay away from them honestly. But depsite how his step mother was with him, he still loved her and he was beyond excited to finally see his siblings.
We started spending time with them. My husbands brother was in a terrible motorcycle accident and that was what lead to my husband being reuinted with his dad.
And the pass is thrown once again.
My husband became a very different person during this time. I could see his heart healing. He had forgiven. He had let the past go. He had began to understand himself again. It was wonderfiul to see. He had grown extrememly close to his siblings but more importantly to the his oldest sister. And he started taking on a role with them all. He jsut wasn't sure where he fit in. He tried so hard. I remember looking at him. It was hard to see him search for a place in their hearts. He wanted so to be included, to be a part of their lives. But like before things started to unravel. He kept this reuion a secret from his father for over a year. Every day became more complicated.
I remember one day in church talking to god and telling him that my first years of marriage were so easy. I was thanking him for them and then he said, "remember them because it will not always be this easy." The next three years in el paso consisted of ups and downs, many sleepless nights, and one baby and another one on the way. All the while, I knew we couldn't stay on the sinking ship but didn't know how to get out off of it. We had lost ourselves, we were miserable. We had our first son and he was our salvation. He was our light and when we had him we knew that el paso wasn't going to be our home. My husband's father found out about his dad and that was the catalyst. I understood why he was hurt. But in the end he could not deny his son having a relationship with his dad. He didn't understand it because he saw what my husband had gone through. He was just being protective. But that made work even harder for the both of them.
And then the pass came...
Its in the air, its pretty high. I don't know if we can catch it, or if we even should?
I loved my job. I had been told I had so much potential and it was being wasted in the minor leagues. I had been offered a job in san antonio for the last four years. When I found out my store was closing I was almost five months pregnant. Now I didn't have to work but I loved my job and liked contributing to the household. My husband had started adjusting to the idea that I would just be a stay at home mom when my boss asked me one last time if I wanted the job. The other times I had spoken to my husband about it, it was a little joke because my job wasn't really that important. But when I asked him about this this time, it was like his get out of jail free card and he took it. I would be the reason why we left and that would just be easier.
So we took the pass into the end zone.
The only person who understood why we would leave such a comfy lifestyle was my mother in law. Noone else quite understood and some took it personal. But this was a move we made to save ourselves. We needed to make it out there in the world on our own and create a family based on that. We have never had anything handed to us, ever, so we knew that moving back would be difficult but we knew we could survive it.
It certainly hasn't always felt like that last pass was the best. I have probably thrown the red flag for review more than anyone since we have been back. But I know when we look back on this it will be that superbowl highlight reel. All the tears, all the struggles will end up leading to the big win. God has a plan, and we are merely the offensive line. He throws us the pass to see who is courageous enough to get out there and catch it.
So I am out there on the field, I am no longer waiting for that pass to come.. We are out there going in for that fourth down. See you at the superbowl people, I hope you come along for the ride with us.
Great things came from this game. I would go back to El Paso if we had to. We made great friends there, gained a wonderful new extended family. I will never regret the things we learned there. We had our first son there and more importantly my husband and I learned that we can withstand anything as long we know the play book and are on the same page.
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