The vow

vow (vo̵u)

noun

1. a solemn promise or pledge, esp. one made to God or a god, dedicating oneself to an act, service, or way of life
2. a solemn promise of love and fidelity: marriage vows
3. a solemn affirmation or assertion

Origin: ME vou < OFr < L votum: see vote

transitive verb

1. to promise solemnly
2. to make a solemn resolution to do, get, etc.
3. to declare emphatically, earnestly, or solemnly

intransitive verb

to make a vow

To make a vow.  Such a regal word.  I think about the times long ago where the size of the diamond didn't matter.  It was the love that conquered all. One out of two marriages end in divorce, such a sad statistic but it is true.  Back in the day all a man had was his word. You traded on good faith and your reputation in the world depended on how good your word was. 

Most people think that a wedding is a modern day fairytale.  With the royal wedding upon us, you see the world is completely consumed by the idea of perfection. We get caught up in the carats, the size of the wedding, and forget what a wedding is about.  It is about standing before god and making that vow to one another.  It's about joining two families.  It's about saying a vow to another person and telling them that they are your forever.

When you strip away all the layers and get right down to the marriage it really is a completely different reality.  It's a friendship and a partnership that has to stand the test of time.  And how does it do this?  LOVE!  That magical four letter word is so daunting.  When you ask someone who seems so miserable in a marriage, why they are still there.  They most always say becuase of they still love that person. 
I am that hopeless romantic.
I love fairy tales, I love the romatic idea of love.  I constantly quote Pride and Prejudcie to my husband.  When Mr. Darcy walks through the meadow with the beaming lights hitting him, he is a vision.  He walks up to Elizabeth and tells her with a stammer that he is in love with her and that she bewiches him body and soul.  People just don't speak with that ellegance anymore.  Imagine the world if we still did.   When I was a little girl I was consumed with the idea of finding my prince charming and living happily ever after.

For those of you that were married, your vows may of sounded something like this...

Priest: "Do you take ___ as your lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?"

Bride/Groom: "I do" Bride/Groom: "I take this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness in the name of the father, the son and the holy spirit." "


The words cherish and for better and worse are in there.  So what happens to us in marriages?  Why do they end?

Now, I will never presume to be an expert in marriage or divorce. Because in matters of the heart there really can be no experts.  Our hearts make us do all sorts of things.  And one of them is falling in love and one of them is falling out of love.  Communication is the key to any marriage but more importantly you have to have  a partnership.  You have to go in knowing that you have someone who will always have your back.  When you marry someone, you can't hope that marriage will change the things that you may have never liked about your partner.  Becuase they only magnify when you get married.

Communication is the key to every marriage.  People don't talk about how you will raise your children, you don't talk about what faith you will raise them, or will you have children, who will be in charge of the bills, etc.  If we did, the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.
I say I coach honesty.  So I am determined to help people see that we can save this covenant between two people if we start talking honestly.  We have to stop thinking our partners can read our minds and start talking about the things that are hurting us.

People stop talking, people cosume themselves with the everyday life and forget that the pilar that holds the house together is the marriage.  People don't talk honestly.  They get mad, they get offended, they are the victim, they point the finger.  We don't listen to each other and we certainly are not honest with ourselves. We dont ask the tough questions before we get married.  But once you start doing this, it will forever change your relationship.  No secrets, no doubts, just honesty.  Ask yourself, does your partner really know you? Does your partner have the same EXPECTATIONS of marriage that you do?

I read another interesting fact... Most people that get divorced had serious doubts on their wedding day.

Marriage and Divorce
(Data are for the U.S.)

• Number of marriages: 2,077,000
• Marriage rate: 6.8 per 1,000 total population
• Divorce rate: 3.4 per 1,000 population (44 reporting States and D.C.)

I know that every situation can be different. Some divorces have to happen.  There is abuse, emotional and physical.  I would never presume to think that you should stay in those kind of situations.  But I do believe that if you are honest and communicate before you take that walk down the aisle then you will start to see  a glimpse of the future.  So always listen to gut, love yourself and never settle for anything.  Love yourself first and then you will find that marriage comes like love... naturally.