I always tell people the story of how I broke out of being afraid of rejection and started facing it head on.
I had just graduated high school and was getting ready to gear up to go to college. I had realized that the whole year of my senior year I had sat in front of a boy that I probably had loved since middle school but just didn't know it. Not many people know this story, so here goes.
I was given many rules as a girl. My mom was scared to death I would run off and make poor choices. But I was good kid. I was very active in school and kept myself busy. My best friend's family had asked me to go on a vacation with them for the summer and when I did I met Trey. That boy and I stayed together for four years. But before I had met him I actually had another boyfriend. My mom had found out and the rule was no boys until I was 15. He and I broke up, but he said he would wait for me over the summer.
But that summer I met the other. Of course, I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend, this guy was my friend until it was "allowed." But my first day of school, James came up to me and asked me how my summer was. I told him it was great. And he said he had heard just how great it was. We kind of left it at that. But he always kept an eye on me. Always sat by me, always looked at me. But I was in another world. I didn't even notice him until my senior year when he sat right behind me. He had a girlfriend and I saw him as just a really funny guy. But as the year started to draw to an end, I realized I might not ever see this guy again. My dad had always been gone working, so I had had a boyfriend really, I think now, to fill that void. So my senior year, I broke up with the Trey after four years together. I knew he wasn't gonna be the person I would end up with. But, until my senior year, I just hadn't realized how different him and I actually were. He took it really hard, but it really had nothing to do with him or James. It had to do with me. I knew I had to leave that town, and he just wasn't gonna be able to keep up with what I had planned for myself.
So that day I got the phone book, looked up the phone number and called James. His mother answered and I could hear her yelling for him. He asked who it was and she told him, I don't know, some girl. I giggled. And then he picked up and said, "Hello." My heart dropped, but I was determined to tell him. So I said," Hi James, its Andrea." He sounded stunned and before he could get a word out I let it all out. "Listen, I know you have a girlfriend and I totally respect that. But I wanted to call you today to tell you that if that ever changes, to please give me a call. I like you and before I go off to college, I Just don't want you to forget about me." There was silence. I kept thinking, "oh crap did he hang up?"
Then he said, "hey can I call you back in a couple of minutes?" And of course i said sure as the defeat went thru my body. I was like what the heck did I just do.
Now the reason why I am telling you this story isn't because I want you to think about the love story. But the feeling you get that holds you back from taking a chance. That day I woke up and told myself I would take that chance. What did I have to lose? I mean we all are afraid of rejection, it whats keep us at bay and never allows us to reach our potential. In everything we do, that one thing hinders us. I had spent at that time, my whole life letting that prevent me from enjoying life. I just refused to do it anymore. What really did I have to lose?
Ten minutes later I got a phone call. It was James. He said, " want to go out on Friday night?" and I said, "Umm, NO! Im sorry I don't do that. I am no boyfriend stealer." and he said laughing, "that's alright because I don't have one anymore."
For the next year he and I had the best time together. I learned so much from my relationship from him. He set the standard really high for me and when it came time to remember what I deserved I always remember how he treated me. Now I didn't end up with him, but that's the way my story is suppose to go. But if I had not done that one thing, how good would this story actually be? But more importantly, from that moment on, I was no longer afraid of rejection. I could be afraid of failure, disappointment, etc. but I knew right then, the world was at my fingertips. I just had to keep reaching.
The next time it was time to take a chance, is when I met my husband. That's what you have to do sometimes to get what you want. Take a chance. Luckily, my husband took a chance on me. And our story continues because of it.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Noise, Noise, Noise
Noise is everywhere. You really can't escape it. But do me a favor. Just stop for a minute. One whole minute. Turn off your phone, turn off the TV, allow absolutely no noise and now.... Just listen. Close your eyes. Just listen to it... Do you hear it?
For each of us those sounds are usually muddled. Most of us cannot even begin to hear anything because the voice in our head is so loud. It's filled with the to do list of the day, regret, fear, anxiety, frustration, you name it. We allow all the noise to completely fill the voids we create for ourselves. You stop listening, you stop paying attention.
Its funny how things fall into your lap when you least expect them. How new reatlionships, new people and new situations occur and we often say, "What a strange coincidence?" When in actuality, it really is not a coincidence at all. Its there to see if you are actually paying attention.
With the new year, people often form new year's resolutions. This year I am not doing that. Instead this year I am making myself an awareness promise. People do all kinds of different things. A friend of mine said thank you for a year. So why not do something like this.
With phones, laptops, tablets, TV, and all kinds of social media it is so easy to become disconnected.
So this year I made a vow to myself to stop all the noise and take a moment each day and listen.
In these short few weeks of doing this, something amazing has already begun to happen to me. I am happier. But I am not happy because I am just turning a phone off. I have realized I have not been making eye contact enough and taking each moment in. Sounds weird, huh. Well as a mother, I have realized that I just don't stop and breath it all in. Another year passes, and its a haze. But these last two weeks I have done more with my children than I ever had. I have been more helpful to my husband and I have been more aware of myself.
Eye contact has always been a great secret of mine. I use to tell my girlfriends when I was single that I could pick any guy out at a bar and as long as I made eye contact with them, they would approach me. They always laughed, never believed me until we put my theory to test. Time after time, it worked. He would walk right up to me. Now, I know that eye contact to a guy means, green light. But it was more than just that. Eye contact means you are fully engaged in the conversation and committed to that very moment. Your mind isn't floating around elsewhere. You are completely engaged in the right here, right now. So that in itself is attractive. But most anytime you use eye contact, it can help any situation. When you do it, the world around you slows down and you are so in tune with that moment that all the other noise around you and in your head is gone. You are there, listening. Then you take the moment in. When people say they don't remember much its because you were not paying attention. ( or they don't want to remember it and thats a whole other blog entry) Things that matter to us, things that we feel are so important usually are remembered. But when I started wondering about what I was wearing when my son did this, or what I was doing when my husband did this, is when I really realized that I wouldn't be formulating memories to keep if I kept doing this. I had to make a change.
I came to a major realization that still has me reeling. My husband and I were talking about money one night at dinner. And where these conversations usually stop abruptly because we agree to disagree, he pushed me to think more and then it happened. Something that I still can't stop thinking about.
I have never been the kind of person that gets excited about "things." If you get me a great gift, I might not show how great it really is. I don't get excited about possibilities. I don't get excited about the "what ifs." I don't love "things". Most people get excited about that purse because they just love Coach. OR they just love that car and have to have it. For me, that has never ever been the case. Its very simple what I love. It may sound cliche and most people would say well of course we love that too. But honestly, there is one thing that I love, my family. I was never that kid that wanted the fancy house, the fancy car. All I could dream about and think about was getting married one day and having a family. I knew I would need a job to support that but that was it. You may wonder what my husband may of asked me that got me thinking so deeply. Well he asked me about money in a way of earning. Yes, working towards something so that you can earn something. I didn't work until I was 17. I started waiting tables at a local restaurant to earn money for college. When I was little, if I wanted something it was never spoken about in terms of doing something to earn it. I wasn't the girl that asked for much. All I ever asked money for was school functions. Now you have read my blog before, so you know that was even hard. But really, school clothes shopping was no big deal. Getting shoes, no big deal. I wanted a cool car, but whatever I got, I got. My brother was different. He wanted the Nike's and the Nintendo. So therefore he had to work. What is so interesting about that, is he is very smart and responsible with his money. I just never wanted anything bad enough to warrant that kind of discussion with my parents. Until I wanted to go to college. Then I started realizing that if that was gonna happen, I was on my own.
So in all of this self discovery, I started to realize that in order for me to continue to move my family out of our current financial situation I am gonna have to start to look for things that I would love my family to have. As long as my family is provided for, I am happy. But I don't want my children to not get excited about achieving things. I want it to be a big deal. I want them to love something so much, they make it a goal to get it. Material things don't matter to me, and I want them to have that quality as the background but I want them to know that the sky's the limit, if you reach for it.
I don't reach for much. Let me take that back. I didn't use to reach for it. But I have realized that in order for me to do the things I want to do, I have to stop the noise, listen to my heart and love it. I shouldn't let all that noise get in the way anymore. I have to allow myself to love things and acknowledge the past to do that. I don't let go of things easily. Most of all that noise has been kept in a very deep closet in my heart. I haven't exposed it to myself until now. I can honestly say I don't remember much of my life before the age of 17. That should tell you how good I am at pushing it all away. But I am starting to embrace it now. Bring it to the surface and work through it. You can't be afraid of it. And I won't anymore. I will allow myself to feel joy about earning things and not let the fear of disppointment wage war on my self esteem. I put together that vision board of all those things I will work for this year. Each day it will be a reminder of of this promise to myself.
So as I take this journey, I want you all to think about some things. How different would your life be, if you turned off the tv completely. What would your conversations be like with your family? My boys and I played a game of operation, read several books and my husband and I enjoyed a long dinner after they went to bed and drank some wine. Those things are priceless to me and why I know this year is already starting off on the right path.
Happy New You, everybody.
Coach Honesty
For each of us those sounds are usually muddled. Most of us cannot even begin to hear anything because the voice in our head is so loud. It's filled with the to do list of the day, regret, fear, anxiety, frustration, you name it. We allow all the noise to completely fill the voids we create for ourselves. You stop listening, you stop paying attention.
Its funny how things fall into your lap when you least expect them. How new reatlionships, new people and new situations occur and we often say, "What a strange coincidence?" When in actuality, it really is not a coincidence at all. Its there to see if you are actually paying attention.
With the new year, people often form new year's resolutions. This year I am not doing that. Instead this year I am making myself an awareness promise. People do all kinds of different things. A friend of mine said thank you for a year. So why not do something like this.
With phones, laptops, tablets, TV, and all kinds of social media it is so easy to become disconnected.
So this year I made a vow to myself to stop all the noise and take a moment each day and listen.
In these short few weeks of doing this, something amazing has already begun to happen to me. I am happier. But I am not happy because I am just turning a phone off. I have realized I have not been making eye contact enough and taking each moment in. Sounds weird, huh. Well as a mother, I have realized that I just don't stop and breath it all in. Another year passes, and its a haze. But these last two weeks I have done more with my children than I ever had. I have been more helpful to my husband and I have been more aware of myself.
Eye contact has always been a great secret of mine. I use to tell my girlfriends when I was single that I could pick any guy out at a bar and as long as I made eye contact with them, they would approach me. They always laughed, never believed me until we put my theory to test. Time after time, it worked. He would walk right up to me. Now, I know that eye contact to a guy means, green light. But it was more than just that. Eye contact means you are fully engaged in the conversation and committed to that very moment. Your mind isn't floating around elsewhere. You are completely engaged in the right here, right now. So that in itself is attractive. But most anytime you use eye contact, it can help any situation. When you do it, the world around you slows down and you are so in tune with that moment that all the other noise around you and in your head is gone. You are there, listening. Then you take the moment in. When people say they don't remember much its because you were not paying attention. ( or they don't want to remember it and thats a whole other blog entry) Things that matter to us, things that we feel are so important usually are remembered. But when I started wondering about what I was wearing when my son did this, or what I was doing when my husband did this, is when I really realized that I wouldn't be formulating memories to keep if I kept doing this. I had to make a change.
I came to a major realization that still has me reeling. My husband and I were talking about money one night at dinner. And where these conversations usually stop abruptly because we agree to disagree, he pushed me to think more and then it happened. Something that I still can't stop thinking about.
I have never been the kind of person that gets excited about "things." If you get me a great gift, I might not show how great it really is. I don't get excited about possibilities. I don't get excited about the "what ifs." I don't love "things". Most people get excited about that purse because they just love Coach. OR they just love that car and have to have it. For me, that has never ever been the case. Its very simple what I love. It may sound cliche and most people would say well of course we love that too. But honestly, there is one thing that I love, my family. I was never that kid that wanted the fancy house, the fancy car. All I could dream about and think about was getting married one day and having a family. I knew I would need a job to support that but that was it. You may wonder what my husband may of asked me that got me thinking so deeply. Well he asked me about money in a way of earning. Yes, working towards something so that you can earn something. I didn't work until I was 17. I started waiting tables at a local restaurant to earn money for college. When I was little, if I wanted something it was never spoken about in terms of doing something to earn it. I wasn't the girl that asked for much. All I ever asked money for was school functions. Now you have read my blog before, so you know that was even hard. But really, school clothes shopping was no big deal. Getting shoes, no big deal. I wanted a cool car, but whatever I got, I got. My brother was different. He wanted the Nike's and the Nintendo. So therefore he had to work. What is so interesting about that, is he is very smart and responsible with his money. I just never wanted anything bad enough to warrant that kind of discussion with my parents. Until I wanted to go to college. Then I started realizing that if that was gonna happen, I was on my own.
So in all of this self discovery, I started to realize that in order for me to continue to move my family out of our current financial situation I am gonna have to start to look for things that I would love my family to have. As long as my family is provided for, I am happy. But I don't want my children to not get excited about achieving things. I want it to be a big deal. I want them to love something so much, they make it a goal to get it. Material things don't matter to me, and I want them to have that quality as the background but I want them to know that the sky's the limit, if you reach for it.
I don't reach for much. Let me take that back. I didn't use to reach for it. But I have realized that in order for me to do the things I want to do, I have to stop the noise, listen to my heart and love it. I shouldn't let all that noise get in the way anymore. I have to allow myself to love things and acknowledge the past to do that. I don't let go of things easily. Most of all that noise has been kept in a very deep closet in my heart. I haven't exposed it to myself until now. I can honestly say I don't remember much of my life before the age of 17. That should tell you how good I am at pushing it all away. But I am starting to embrace it now. Bring it to the surface and work through it. You can't be afraid of it. And I won't anymore. I will allow myself to feel joy about earning things and not let the fear of disppointment wage war on my self esteem. I put together that vision board of all those things I will work for this year. Each day it will be a reminder of of this promise to myself.
So as I take this journey, I want you all to think about some things. How different would your life be, if you turned off the tv completely. What would your conversations be like with your family? My boys and I played a game of operation, read several books and my husband and I enjoyed a long dinner after they went to bed and drank some wine. Those things are priceless to me and why I know this year is already starting off on the right path.
Happy New You, everybody.
Coach Honesty
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