Noise is everywhere. You really can't escape it. But do me a favor. Just stop for a minute. One whole minute. Turn off your phone, turn off the TV, allow absolutely no noise and now.... Just listen. Close your eyes. Just listen to it... Do you hear it?
For each of us those sounds are usually muddled. Most of us cannot even begin to hear anything because the voice in our head is so loud. It's filled with the to do list of the day, regret, fear, anxiety, frustration, you name it. We allow all the noise to completely fill the voids we create for ourselves. You stop listening, you stop paying attention.
Its funny how things fall into your lap when you least expect them. How new reatlionships, new people and new situations occur and we often say, "What a strange coincidence?" When in actuality, it really is not a coincidence at all. Its there to see if you are actually paying attention.
With the new year, people often form new year's resolutions. This year I am not doing that. Instead this year I am making myself an awareness promise. People do all kinds of different things. A friend of mine said thank you for a year. So why not do something like this.
With phones, laptops, tablets, TV, and all kinds of social media it is so easy to become disconnected.
So this year I made a vow to myself to stop all the noise and take a moment each day and listen.
In these short few weeks of doing this, something amazing has already begun to happen to me. I am happier. But I am not happy because I am just turning a phone off. I have realized I have not been making eye contact enough and taking each moment in. Sounds weird, huh. Well as a mother, I have realized that I just don't stop and breath it all in. Another year passes, and its a haze. But these last two weeks I have done more with my children than I ever had. I have been more helpful to my husband and I have been more aware of myself.
Eye contact has always been a great secret of mine. I use to tell my girlfriends when I was single that I could pick any guy out at a bar and as long as I made eye contact with them, they would approach me. They always laughed, never believed me until we put my theory to test. Time after time, it worked. He would walk right up to me. Now, I know that eye contact to a guy means, green light. But it was more than just that. Eye contact means you are fully engaged in the conversation and committed to that very moment. Your mind isn't floating around elsewhere. You are completely engaged in the right here, right now. So that in itself is attractive. But most anytime you use eye contact, it can help any situation. When you do it, the world around you slows down and you are so in tune with that moment that all the other noise around you and in your head is gone. You are there, listening. Then you take the moment in. When people say they don't remember much its because you were not paying attention. ( or they don't want to remember it and thats a whole other blog entry) Things that matter to us, things that we feel are so important usually are remembered. But when I started wondering about what I was wearing when my son did this, or what I was doing when my husband did this, is when I really realized that I wouldn't be formulating memories to keep if I kept doing this. I had to make a change.
I came to a major realization that still has me reeling. My husband and I were talking about money one night at dinner. And where these conversations usually stop abruptly because we agree to disagree, he pushed me to think more and then it happened. Something that I still can't stop thinking about.
I have never been the kind of person that gets excited about "things." If you get me a great gift, I might not show how great it really is. I don't get excited about possibilities. I don't get excited about the "what ifs." I don't love "things". Most people get excited about that purse because they just love Coach. OR they just love that car and have to have it. For me, that has never ever been the case. Its very simple what I love. It may sound cliche and most people would say well of course we love that too. But honestly, there is one thing that I love, my family. I was never that kid that wanted the fancy house, the fancy car. All I could dream about and think about was getting married one day and having a family. I knew I would need a job to support that but that was it. You may wonder what my husband may of asked me that got me thinking so deeply. Well he asked me about money in a way of earning. Yes, working towards something so that you can earn something. I didn't work until I was 17. I started waiting tables at a local restaurant to earn money for college. When I was little, if I wanted something it was never spoken about in terms of doing something to earn it. I wasn't the girl that asked for much. All I ever asked money for was school functions. Now you have read my blog before, so you know that was even hard. But really, school clothes shopping was no big deal. Getting shoes, no big deal. I wanted a cool car, but whatever I got, I got. My brother was different. He wanted the Nike's and the Nintendo. So therefore he had to work. What is so interesting about that, is he is very smart and responsible with his money. I just never wanted anything bad enough to warrant that kind of discussion with my parents. Until I wanted to go to college. Then I started realizing that if that was gonna happen, I was on my own.
So in all of this self discovery, I started to realize that in order for me to continue to move my family out of our current financial situation I am gonna have to start to look for things that I would love my family to have. As long as my family is provided for, I am happy. But I don't want my children to not get excited about achieving things. I want it to be a big deal. I want them to love something so much, they make it a goal to get it. Material things don't matter to me, and I want them to have that quality as the background but I want them to know that the sky's the limit, if you reach for it.
I don't reach for much. Let me take that back. I didn't use to reach for it. But I have realized that in order for me to do the things I want to do, I have to stop the noise, listen to my heart and love it. I shouldn't let all that noise get in the way anymore. I have to allow myself to love things and acknowledge the past to do that. I don't let go of things easily. Most of all that noise has been kept in a very deep closet in my heart. I haven't exposed it to myself until now. I can honestly say I don't remember much of my life before the age of 17. That should tell you how good I am at pushing it all away. But I am starting to embrace it now. Bring it to the surface and work through it. You can't be afraid of it. And I won't anymore. I will allow myself to feel joy about earning things and not let the fear of disppointment wage war on my self esteem. I put together that vision board of all those things I will work for this year. Each day it will be a reminder of of this promise to myself.
So as I take this journey, I want you all to think about some things. How different would your life be, if you turned off the tv completely. What would your conversations be like with your family? My boys and I played a game of operation, read several books and my husband and I enjoyed a long dinner after they went to bed and drank some wine. Those things are priceless to me and why I know this year is already starting off on the right path.
Happy New You, everybody.
Coach Honesty
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