Naked.

Genesis

"And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." So ends Chapter 2 of Genesis. Chapter 3 narrates the Fall and its aftermath: "The eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons." Presumably, they made themselves aprons to cover their nakedness, because they were now ashamed.

Reading Genesis today, I realized that before sin came into place we lived long lives.  And Adam and Eve were not ashamed or filled with any vanity.  They did not know of it, they didn't need clothes or anything to cover what god had made of them.

Wouldn't that be awesome.  I instantly imagined a world of naked people.  All walking around, no judgement, no understanding of judgement.  Just free.  Not a care in the world.  Clothes?  What clothes!  Who needed them.  Why cover what God gave you.  I imagined a world where life was celebrated and you lived your life by God's word.  

Suddenly my eyes opened and I looked at myself.  Yup.  There is reality.  Thanks to a sin.  And by today's account, eating a piece of fruit from a forbidden tree seems like a cake walk in the sin territory   Leave it to the woman to listen to the serpent and convince Adam it was a good idea.  So ironic, isn't it.  And suddenly, their eyes were open too.  No more perfect world, and all of sudden there they stood, naked.  Now they needed some clothes, they could see all that the serpent wanted.  They opened their minds to the other side.  As Darth Vader would put, they now could see the dark side.  

How did this all translate to my current life and what did this all mean to mean.  Well that was easy.  It's like I was meant to read that today.

After spending a week killing myself at the gym, and still not being thankful for the life and body I do have.  I sat there one day after working out crying.  I have always done a pretty good job of taking care of myself but lately I have been down.  So instead of celebrating my recent jaunt at the gym I sat there criticizing myself.  Vanity.  With all the world around us screaming perfection, its no wonder that normal every day woman are so hard on themselves.

There is no way vanity can not be there.  We are raising our young daughters to believe that is what is important.   The hair, the clothes, the make up and last the body.

Gone are the days of modesty.  Gone are the days of a wandering imagination.  You have a child and instantly think about how to lose the weight.  How could you not?  It's front page news in celebrity life.

There are lotions, pills, creams and surgeries that all can help you achieve the glory of perfection.  And guess what?  You can tell everyone about it.  With "selfies" parading everyone's feeds, now everyone can know just how vain you really are.   Take a pic of yourself with that hair,body, make up and clothes..... paint the picture of perfection.  

No one embraces themselves as Adam and Eve did before that sin was made.  That is our penance. 

But, how can we ensure that we walk closer to God? How can we ensure our daughters and their daughters stop thinking the Khardashian's way of life is reality?

How can we begin to heal?  Become accepting and cherish ourselves again?  That was the question I had today.

I realized that I needed to be thankful for my body.  For all that it has endured.  It has brought two beautiful souls into this world, provided food, shelter and love to myself and my family. How come we don't thank our bodies? How come we punish it and continue to expect more?  So instead of being upset with my weight, I am choosing to show my body the respect it deserves after everything I have put it thru and make better choices for it.  I don't want it to have to work so hard because I hope to be here for a very long time.

Vanity wont be my motivation anymore, life will. 

Just a closer walk with thee.....

Just a closer walk with thee....

CCE is the Catholics Sunday School.  I have very fond memories of my CCE teachers.  So the thought of my son going to his first CCE class made my heart smile.  Such great memories with the same small class.  I received communion and confirmation with them.  We graduated together and charged forward vowing to take that faith with us our senior year.

I didn't take any of that with me to college.  I didn't go to church for years.  It wasn't until I had my first child that my Catholic roots started to present themselves to me again.  I suddenly felt the need to go back to where it all began.  I felt that calling and knew that my children should experience the love of my catholic religion.

I realized I've lost my faith.  I  know that I am Catholic but that is it.  I can say I am Catholic but don't do much with it.  Yesterday, we went out with some friends and we started talking about religion.  My friend is catholic and her children go to a Baptist church since her husband is non denominational.  They chose the church because they were invited and her husband really liked that the church had a social aspect.  They still go to mass and she is still raising her children catholic but said that the fellowship the Baptist church has made her move easier.   Her children are thriving, reading the bible on their own, singing in the church band and love their youth groups.  It was interesting because her and I are very similar and love our faith but just wish it brought the youth closer to god in newer, more conventional ways.  They have invited us several times to visit this church, but I haven't stepped into another church other than a catholic one since I was 13.  The thought is scary to me actually.  When I go to a Catholic church I feel at home but it made me think......

What do we do with our youth?  Why don't they feel that fellowship?  Why don't our children feel that fellowship?  As I was asking that question, it got answered.  I knew the answer.  I knew that I could be the start of that but I didn't know God well enough anymore.  If I wanted my sons to grow into godly men, I knew I had to ensure that I understood what and how I could help change this.  Last Sunday, I was praying during mass and the priest spoke of heaven, hell and purgatory.  I sat there and started to doubt.  Was there hell?  Was there a heaven?  The priest said  no one feared hell anymore and with that society was changing.  He said to believe that all people are forgiven, that all could walk closer to God, was foolish.  For a minute I did doubt, I did think that couldn't be.  I did not fear hell but I did hope that the afterlife eased the pain of loss and help me reunite with those lost before me.  I certainly believe in Heaven.

Then I thought of those lost and those I knew should be in hell.  I couldn't think that the man I thought of, who thought he was holier than God could be in heaven.  The thought of him in hell or purgatory made me sad.  But all this reflection was all part of God's plan, I just knew it.  He wanted me to seek the answers.  When I find the answers, when I have the knowledge I can lead like no other.  I do know this of myself, and so does he.... ..

So this week, I said that I would start this journey and find my way.  Where I land is up to God.  I will read every Sunday until Easter Sunday.  I hope that it will help me to speak to my son, my family, god and myself more clearly.  And then I'll know how to walk just a little closer to thee.......