Just a closer walk with thee.....

Just a closer walk with thee....

CCE is the Catholics Sunday School.  I have very fond memories of my CCE teachers.  So the thought of my son going to his first CCE class made my heart smile.  Such great memories with the same small class.  I received communion and confirmation with them.  We graduated together and charged forward vowing to take that faith with us our senior year.

I didn't take any of that with me to college.  I didn't go to church for years.  It wasn't until I had my first child that my Catholic roots started to present themselves to me again.  I suddenly felt the need to go back to where it all began.  I felt that calling and knew that my children should experience the love of my catholic religion.

I realized I've lost my faith.  I  know that I am Catholic but that is it.  I can say I am Catholic but don't do much with it.  Yesterday, we went out with some friends and we started talking about religion.  My friend is catholic and her children go to a Baptist church since her husband is non denominational.  They chose the church because they were invited and her husband really liked that the church had a social aspect.  They still go to mass and she is still raising her children catholic but said that the fellowship the Baptist church has made her move easier.   Her children are thriving, reading the bible on their own, singing in the church band and love their youth groups.  It was interesting because her and I are very similar and love our faith but just wish it brought the youth closer to god in newer, more conventional ways.  They have invited us several times to visit this church, but I haven't stepped into another church other than a catholic one since I was 13.  The thought is scary to me actually.  When I go to a Catholic church I feel at home but it made me think......

What do we do with our youth?  Why don't they feel that fellowship?  Why don't our children feel that fellowship?  As I was asking that question, it got answered.  I knew the answer.  I knew that I could be the start of that but I didn't know God well enough anymore.  If I wanted my sons to grow into godly men, I knew I had to ensure that I understood what and how I could help change this.  Last Sunday, I was praying during mass and the priest spoke of heaven, hell and purgatory.  I sat there and started to doubt.  Was there hell?  Was there a heaven?  The priest said  no one feared hell anymore and with that society was changing.  He said to believe that all people are forgiven, that all could walk closer to God, was foolish.  For a minute I did doubt, I did think that couldn't be.  I did not fear hell but I did hope that the afterlife eased the pain of loss and help me reunite with those lost before me.  I certainly believe in Heaven.

Then I thought of those lost and those I knew should be in hell.  I couldn't think that the man I thought of, who thought he was holier than God could be in heaven.  The thought of him in hell or purgatory made me sad.  But all this reflection was all part of God's plan, I just knew it.  He wanted me to seek the answers.  When I find the answers, when I have the knowledge I can lead like no other.  I do know this of myself, and so does he.... ..

So this week, I said that I would start this journey and find my way.  Where I land is up to God.  I will read every Sunday until Easter Sunday.  I hope that it will help me to speak to my son, my family, god and myself more clearly.  And then I'll know how to walk just a little closer to thee.......